In this episode we discuss what it takes to break down resistance.
EP. 3 | BREAKING DOWN RESISTANCE
Click play in the audio player above or if you prefer to read, scroll on below for the details. I am so excited you are here!
There is the recurring dream that I have where I am running up a steep, paved hill.
The moment I arrive at the top, I am unable to stand.
I struggle — -hard.
My recollection of this dream is that I am overwhelmed with confusion, frustration, and panic as to why I simply can’t…stand up.
Sometimes I’m alone in this dream and sometimes there are others running up the hill with me, like last’s night’s episode.
They seem to stand so easy and yet I am left struggling.
A quick analysis of this dream via…Google reveals a few explanations…
The first is that there is a “fear that something fundamental in my life is off” or an insecurity of not being able to stand on my own.
Its goes to show life is full of lessons and growth opportunities.
It also shows that I have work to do yet.
You know something, I’m okay with that.
What ever I need, I will be.
I remember a time when I wasn’t so accepting of that.
I was resisting change — hard.
Resisting healing. Feeling so powerless in my story.
My story. One where I was the main character.
Powerless. Perhaps you could relate…
Have you ever felt powerless in what feels like the thickest part of your journey?
Resistance is you dismissing yourself of your own power.
Today’ we’re talking about what it takes to break down resistance
What is resistance?
Resistance in your healing journey is refusing to accept things as they are.
Resistance is refusing to accept that changes need to be made.
Resistance is also the attempt of preventing change and arguing against it.
Why is it there?
We go through resistance when we are afraid of, unable to relate to or identify with the results on the other side of change.
Its there because we are overwhelmed.
We’ve distanced ourselves from how we feel.
From our own emotion.
Its there because we don’t trust yourself in the process of change.
We lack the self-trust because we haven’t been honest with ourselves in the past.
Its there because the new you, the new way of your life you are seeking, is uncharted territory.
Its way easier to reject new opportunities if that means we can avoid exposing the root of the problem.
When working with clients to overcome infidelity the method I use focuses on developing incredible self love and heals the relationship you have with yourself.
We rarely ever talk about the drama from the past.
Our focusing is on the present and future.
We don’t get there without breaking down the resistance you’re holding on to.
Where do you begin when it comes to breaking down resistance so that you can heal you?
You begin by being aware of the role you play.
Being aware of its existence.
You see, when I told you about my dream and what it meant…
If I was resisting, I most likely would deny the accuracy of the statement and be quite offended.
I may also overcompensate by becoming defensive.
I would be so angry trying to prove it to be false every time it looped over and over in my mind – which it would totally do.
If you are not aware of your role or if you’re not being completely honest with yourself, and why you are not moving forward then that is where you need to start.
Are you refusing to accept things as they are?
Are you refusing to accept that changes need to be made?
Are you attempting to prevent change? Are you arguing against it?
If you stay in denial of your resistance …
If you are not open to breaking down your resistance…
you will stay right where you are.
The great thing is, is you have a choice.
Being aware is the first step to break down resistance.
The next step is to get inquisitive.
Challenge yourself. Be your own “Hall monitor”.
Start questioning your actions and thoughts.
Becoming self-aware is an ongoing practice.
You start by allowing yourself time to question what it is you’re doing.
When you notice you are acting in a space of resistance, call it what it is.
Aha! I’m resisting here. This is resistance.
Then, figure out what is going on.
Ask yourself why. Why are you resisting?
What would it be like to not resist?
What am i afraid of?
What would my life look like if that fear didn’t exist?
Sit with that momentarily. PAUSE
We are stuck in this world of busyness…
everyone’s busy — we are always busy.
Busy Person A: Hey! How’ya been?
Busy Person B: Super Busy!!
Naturally, when we search for answers we seek action steps…To keep us busy.
I would love to encourage you, when interrupting patterns of behavior, or patterns of resistance, to take an alternate, sometimes drastic or unexpected step BUT that is not always what is needed.
Sometimes, the next step requires no action at all.
When you catch yourself in the behavioral patterns that are keeping you stuck…acknowledge its happening and take no action at all.
Pause. Breathe. More Pause.
Go back to ground zero — hit the reset button.
Sometimes that is the best thing to do.
Call yourself out the moment it happens.
Continue to do this very simple, yet tidiest step, I know.
Moving on to the third step to break down resistance…
Be consistent with the work.
Put it in the forefront of your mind.
For example, when you wake up and your recycling through anger and resentment, and playing skits of drama in your head (at least that is what I created a habit of doing)…catch yourself in that moment.
Tell yourself, it’s just drama, it doesn’t belong here, I no longer hold space for it.
That will help you open yourself up to changing this habit of behavior.
On the surface, these seem like simple steps, and they are.
There is truth to that.
When you are in the thick of it though, feeling powerless in your story, these simple steps end up being rather distant.
That is why you need accountability.
That’s the last piece to break down resistance.
If I had a mentor holding me accountable along my journey, someone who understood what I was going though, someone to help me through this process, push me to explore and examine my thoughts, and support me…I definitely could have shortened the timeline.
Seeking the high levels of support of a mentor can be the determining factor on whether you move forward fully and completely or stay stuck.
Let’s recap, To break down resistance…
- Awareness. It takes you being aware that you are resisting your healing process.
- Inquiry. To break down resistance it also takes inquiry. Being conscious of what’s going on at all times and calling yourself out.
- Consistency. Its not a one day thing where you journal about your feelings or do a few rounds of tapping and Poof! You’ve broken down all sabotaging patterns and your life is everything you want it to be the next day — No, it doesn’t work that way.
Its like training for a marathon, runners don’t train one day and the next they’re in the race. They put in the necessary work over time and consistently to build up their mind, their body and the ability of those two, to work together over the course of the race. You must be consistent every single day.
Its not going to be easy. Its not going to be perfect.
It will get better over time.
Culturally and the times we are in, we seek the easy way out, the shortcuts and the path to least resistance.
When we are finding ourselves on a journey like this, this mentality of not wanting to work or sacrifice our comfort for what we need crushes our ability to overcome and we find ourselves cycling through the same sabotaging behaviors and thoughts.
AND we find ourselves, powerless!
I’m guilty of this.
I’m still working on areas in my life that need attention each day.
It’s exhausting but its necessary.
- Accountability. I would encourage you to find a mentor or coach to help you through this process in the shortest amount of time.
With a mentor, its outsourcing the discipline and the structure at an outstanding level that you are not able to provide to yourself.
Its someone that helps to transform your life, examining where you are, and plugging you into a proven system to get you to where you want to be.
When you have a proven system in place, when you have someone other than yourself holding you accountable and providing you with high levels of support long the way, you will succeed.
If you don’t have someone in the trenches with you, who is guiding you, pushing you, checking in with you, it’s so much easier to throw in the towel and stay exactly where you are with a wish and a hope that something will change.
Be the change.
Seek the change.
If you are searching for that accountability and are ready and want help, hop on a call with me, we will get through this together.
This is what I do, this is what I specialize in.
I have a whole system to help you heal from infidelity by healing the relationship you have with yourself.
Its a transformation.
On our call, we will get clear on where you are, where you want to be and what you are doing that is keeping you stuck.
If I can help you, we will talk about that too.
Either way, you will walk away from our call with clarity and with a solution.
Select a date and time that works for you, make sure to book a time that you can commit without distractions and complete the application that follows.