In this episode we discuss the first step to healing from infidelity.
EP. 2 | HEALING FROM INFIDELITY, WHERE TO START
Click play in the audio player above or if you prefer to read, scroll on below for the details. I am so excited you are here!
Today we’re talking about taking control and what it means to get in the driver’s seat of your life after infidelity.
It took me many years, to get in the driver’s seat.
The reason it took me so long is because I continued to suppress my pain.
I did not identify that my behavior and thoughts were cycling around that past pain from betrayal.
Some of the overall feelings that I had experienced were rejection, shame and humiliation.
I felt violated. I felt disgusting in my own body.
A lot of that circled around my role in the betrayal. Let me explain.
My role in the betrayal is that of someone who held on, was lied to, manipulated, wanted so bad to believe that I was worthy of a man that was faithful but instead of letting go of the man that could not be that for me, I caved into lies and ignored what was right in front of me.
I suffered alone and in silence.
I did not protect myself when I should have.
Opposite of what I know now and what I embrace now – I was the victim.
That was exactly the role that I was playing.
“This was done to me”
“My life was stolen from me”
“How dare he do this to me”
“He violated me”
“He humiliated me” —all victim mentality.
What I know now is that he is a broken man and there is a part of him that he needs to heal.
There is a part of him, through that act of betrayal, that what he did was reflection of him and not a reflection of me.
It took me a long time to get there.
I was stuck in so much shame and over the years.
I would go through these patterns of cycling through these thoughts.
I internalized this circumstance as “I was not good enough, not worthy enough”.
When you are stuck in such a habitual cycle for so long it is hard to identify what it looks like without those sabotaging thought patterns.
Like a pair of eyeglasses or sunglasses, you wear them a bit longer than you should and the moment you clean them, they’e so crisp and clear leaving you to wonder what you’d been missing all that time.
That is what happens when your thoughts run unhinged in your head for so long, without training, reflection, or intentional focus.
That is a stage that I was at when I decided to take action, to get in the driver’s seat and say, enough is enough.
I spent many years entangled in the web of self-destruction and I would still be there if I did not make a decision for me.
While my relationship had changed over the years, it still held a cloud over me and I couldn’t breathe.
I am not saying that to indicate whether someone should stay or leave – there is no one size fits all solution to infidelity.
What I am saying is I had to make a decision.
The decision to take control of your life as it is right now, whatever stage you are on, is the critical shift you must make.
With any big change, you must first make the decision to do so and commit to that decision.
Any goal that you have when you are setting out on a mission to change.
For example, when you change your eating patterns or exercising habits, you must decide that is what you want to do and you must decide that you are going to take control, commit to and do what it takes to change.
You have to make a decision. If you don’t make a decision you will stay exactly where you are.
It is that decision, the decision to get in the driver’s seat.
Can you tolerate where you are right now?
If the answer is a firm no, then it is time you decide to do something about it.
We all have a choice. We can choose our thoughts.
We can choose how we want to feel about a situation.
We can choose if we want to take action.
We have a choice.
Our circumstance – we’ve been betrayed, can’t change but what we do moving forward, what we think moving forward, we have control over.
You must be willing to come face to face with the uncomfortable and decide that you are going to get in the driver’s seat and take control of your life – no matter what.
I speak with plenty of women every single day most are ready and then there are some want to be ready but they’re not.
They are still holding on to that drama and feel like they can’t let go. Something is comforting about the drama, and comforting about the familiarity of the feelings that they cycle through each day.
They hold that faint belief that if they let go, then the other person, the betrayer is going unpunished and that is not the case.
You must allow yourself the opportunity to let go – to know longer allow this betrayal to control the results in your life.
If you are ready and want help, if you’re ready to make decision and move forward, if you want clarity on what to do next, hop on a call with me, we will get through this together.
This is what I do, this is what I specialize in.
On our call, we will get clear on where you are, where you want to be and what you are doing that is keeping you stuck – we will uncover all of that.
If I can help you, we will talk about that too.
Either way, you will walk away from our call super clear and with a solution.
To heal and move on, you’re going to have to get uncomfortable. You’re must come face to face with thoughts, feelings, and experiences that you want to ignore, that are easier to ignore than to face – Healing is not easy.
But if you’re willing to show up for your life, I’m willing to show up for you 100%.